In November 2015 we welcomed our first daughter into the world. She was a ‘surprise’ pregnancy but welcomed none the less. When she was born we had it all planned out, we wanted an 18 month age gap between our children, so at nine months we would start trying.
We fell pregnant in November 2016 and with everything going so smoothly the first time, I was naive about the possibility of miscarriage. We had a scan at six weeks and we were measuring five days behind so they couldn’t find a heartbeat and we were told to return in a week, which we did. We got to see a nice strong flicker on the screen. We had set a date for our wedding for June 2017, so off I went dress shopping, planning to be seven months pregnant, and purchased my dream wedding dress. Just two weeks later I woke to horrible cramping. We were losing our baby. I was 9 weeks by my dates, 8 by the hospital. This hit us so hard but we got through and decided we would start trying again after I had one cycle. We were lucky enough to fall pregnant again the first month trying in April 2017, at 8 weeks we once again saw that beautiful flicker on the ultrasound screen.
Our wedding was coming up in June. I was 10 weeks pregnant and so worried something would happen on our wedding day. I felt like I was safe as I had passed the 8 weeks that it happened last time and also because I had been that “one person who is so common to have a miscarriage” so I was feeling more comfortable, but it was always on my mind. We were going for a little honeymoon and my in-laws were here from overseas so we were touring them around. I got sick and went to the doctor who told me it was pregnancy related. I still to this day feel that if I was treated differently things would have worked out differently. Exactly one week after our wedding I woke again to that same pain. It all come back to me and I knew what was happening, but couldn’t believe it was happening again. Our life was so perfect the week before when we were on our wedding day expecting a new bundle…to now nothing. We felt raw. This miscarriage was so hard to deal with emotionally. So we decided to give it a few months before trying again.
September 2017 we fell pregnant again. I felt emotionally detached from this pregnancy in fear that something would happen again. I didn’t want to believe it but I prepared myself for the worst, after all I had had more unsuccessful pregnancies than I’d had successful. Mid November at 9 weeks we were booked to go and have our dating scan. We decided to leave it later this time as the heartbeats had given us false hope previously. That morning, I started bleeding. I didn’t have any pain so I still had a little bit of hope. Once in hospital I started experiencing cramps. A scan confirmed I was measuring 5 weeks with no heartbeat. My dates were always spot on so I knew this was miscarriage number three. This time we felt numb. I didn’t feel much emotion. We decided to give it until mid the following year to have a break both physically and mentally. We had numerous tests done by fertility specialists all to which come back with “it’s just bad luck”.
Fast forward to November 2018 and we received another positive pregnancy test. Unsurprisingly we were quite anxious and didn’t want to get our hopes up. We had weekly scans up until 12 weeks and then monthly. My pregnancy was a dream, no complications whatsoever. In July our rainbow baby finally joined our family. We still look at him every day in awe that he is finally here. So mums and dads out there that are going through heartbreak, please don’t give up hope. Miracles do happen, the storm will pass and then comes a rainbow 🌈 ❤❤