I was around the age of 18 when I experienced my very first female ‘issue’ after having irregular cycles and painful periods. I was told that I had polycystic ovaries and endometriosis. I was told by medical staff to stay on the pill and that my chances of conceiving naturally were next to nothing. IVF was also most likely in the future for when I was ready to conceive.

I eventually took myself off the pill without medical advice. I felt like for the last 9 years I was feeling less like me. Surprisingly, after 3 months my periods came back to a normal consistency and the pain was starting to relieve. Within a year of being off the pill, my cycles and pain were completely normal. At 28, I met my finance and within a year of dating, we surprisingly fell pregnant, but it was over before it began. I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism and I experienced my first natural miscarriage.

I never knew just how much I wanted to have children until my angel was taken away from me. A few months after the loss, joy was brought back into my life when my partner proposed. I knew I wanted to spend my life with him and for him to be the father of my children. So, we decided to start trying and booked our wedding in for the date of what would have been our little ones first birthday, July 8th. It was our way of saying we will never forget.

Six months after our first loss we got our positive test, I was finally pregnant again. I was super anxious this time reading into everything and documenting every day what I was going through, nervous that I was going to lose this baby as well. At my 12 week scan my fear came true. I’ll never forget the words, “I’m sorry there is no heartbeat” as our rainbow laid lifeless on the screen. During week 8 I had experienced a nasty virus which we presume attacked my thyroid making me develop gestational hyperthyroidism. Our second angel.

With the wedding fast approaching, we decided we would love to surprise our guests at the wedding with our rainbow baby news, however life doesn’t always go to plan. January 2019 to our shock and amazement, 2 days after the due date of our second angel we found out we were expecting for the 3rd time. We knew that we would give it a go 3 times and after that we would try another option as it’s just too emotionally and physically hard.

We cautiously waited and decided to keep moving on with life deciding not to get too attached, but to our amazement and joy our little rainbow is still going strong at 25 weeks. At 28 weeks I’ll be marrying the man of my dreams and my rainbow will there with us every step of the way. We will honor our family on the day but I know that our baby was sent from our angels above. Despite all the pain and hurt I have been through I’m so thankful I got to be a mum, whether it was was for 5 weeks, 12 weeks or 25 weeks. I’ll never forget that feeling of loving nothing more than your children, whether on earth or in heaven.


by, Ashley.