After four years of tears and failure after failure I’d started to give up a little. Then I noticed changes in my body so I called my fertility doctor and he said to take a test and to my surprise, my first ever positive test! It was the news we needed and it made my husband and I so happy I could hardly even sit still… all the negativity and depression had gone away.

We had it confirmed by bloods and on our way to the first ultrasound our little miracle was in our vision. I had a low count of progesterone. We named her smidge but smidge was a little smaller than my dates so we waited a two weeks until our next scan to see the heartbeat. It was there but more bad news. Smidge had a slow heartbeat so it was just a waiting game. Unfortunately when attending an engagement party I started to feel a lot of pain and my spotting had turned into heavy bleeding and large clots. I left straight away without telling anyone and went straight to the hospital.

After waiting almost an hour and a half to sign myself into hospital just after having my bloods taken I felt a massive painful clot come out. It felt stuck a little bit and they had let me go to the toilet from triage and on my pad was a big strange looking clot almost like skin. I called out for my husband outside the door but he couldn’t hear with the noise. I couldn’t pull up my pants and blood was pouring out of me. I walked to the door and my husband had to quickly get the nurse. I unlocked the door and when she came she looked at the mess and the sack and told me that I am to clean myself up she would get me some wipes and another pad. had had brought them in and I cleaned myself up and started to clean the mess I made and she made me stop cleaning and told me she would do it and leave the sack and the pad with her so she could bag it up and the doctor could see it.

I was put into a bed that nurse was amazing she came and checked on me a few times but the other emergency staff were not so friendly. I was transferred to short stay early the next morning and unfortunately the nurses did not get completely briefed on my case. I had to tell them about my miscarriage and being a small part of the hospital I could hear them talking about it. After some tears and a little bit of sleep, the doctor came in and told me I may not be able to have an ultrasound in the morning which was the whole reason why I stayed overnight.

Eventually I went back to sleep after that I felt numb, angry and depressed. Later I had gotten some breakfast and was told I wouldn’t be getting an ultrasound until afternoon so I told my husband to go home and get me some things and when he got home they wheeled me in straight away and left me in a hallway off my face on panadol and endone. I started to feel very scared and alone. I called my husband crying telling him how I felt and he came straight away but missed the ultrasound and she confirmed I had lost the baby. I got back to the room with a wait ahead of me. I felt angry and depressed, but soon calmed down with drugs and food. The worst part was the day the lady next to me being a right bitch demanding everything and anything treating people like shit just to find out if she was pregnant, another with a bad case of the runs, another pregnant lady not sure why she was in but it was absolute torture hearing her baby’s heartbeat on high volume for a long amount of time I cried the whole time. Finally after a 27 hour wait I saw the doctor again and got to go home. I had two weeks of pain and crying but then had to put my grief aside and start work and schooling again so I didn’t fall behind.

It is now four weeks since I sometimes get very upset when thinking about it but I am healing and thinking of the positive of being able to fall pregnant and praying I have a full term pregnancy soon 🙂

By, Jessica.