I’m Sam mum to a ‘threeanger’. I fell pregnant easily with my first child had an easy pregnancy and 2 years of fun with her.
Then we started to talk about baby number 2. I fell pregnant straight away again, immediately telling Georgie she was going to be a big sister! At 8 weeks (with my daughter by my side), I heard those awful words at the scan, ‘I’m sorry there is no heartbeat’. Our baby had stopped growing at 7 weeks 4 days. A D&C followed as did a whole realm of emotions I’d never felt before. I was blindsided by how much my first loss affected me, and I think I’m forever changed because of it.
Three months later we tried again and I fell pregnant quickly. I was understandably nervous and didn’t attach to the pregnancy in the same way. At 8 weeks while on holiday with friends I started to bleed, but kept the bleeding to myself for two days praying all would be OK. I didn’t even tell my husband, because I didn’t want to ruin anyone’s holiday. Once again I was sent for a scan only to hear again that there was no heartbeat. I was sent home and miscarried naturally at home, passing the ’tissue’, alone and terrified. I have never felt so isolated. I was devastated and utterly exhausted.
I had to fight with my doctor for testing. There was no way I wanted to go through a third miscarriage, just to tick a box so they’d agree to test me. I was ‘lucky’ I got a diagnosis – MTHFR, basically faulty genes. I saw a naturopath, I got really healthy, I had weekly acupuncture and started yoga. I did anything and everything anyone suggested to me. For me fingers crossed that has been our magic potion. I’m currently 14 weeks & 4 days pregnant. We’re crossing everything that this is our rainbow baby.
Pregnancy after loss is no easy path to walk and I bow down to any of you ladies that have walked this journey. I’m only just starting to believe in this baby, I’ve struggled with attaching and feel really guilty for that. I feel like I haven’t drawn breath since that positive test, always on the edge of my seat, anticipating something going wrong. I’m passionate about helping women make connections with other women who ‘get it’. We want to build a community of women who support, nurture and empower each other on their individual journeys. We have big BIG plans, stay tuned!